3 months....

3 months ago today, we knew our lives were going to change but we never guess that they would be changed in this way. 3 months ago we were dreaming about our sweet little Jay coming home with us. 3 months ago we were rushing to the hospital because the time had come. 3 months ago we were waiting in the ER for the nurse to find Jay's heartbeat. 3 months ago we were told that our son died. 3 months ago our world came crashing down on us. 3 months ago we had to bury our newborn baby. Why does life have to be this way??? 3 months and 1 day ago we would have never guessed that our baby could die. Our world was so perfect the day before, what happened? God needed our son for reasons we will never understand. I will never understand, I will never forget that feeling of helplessness and hurt. That pain will be with me until the day I leave this earth, maybe then I will understand. A part of me died that day. With every moment for the rest of my life I will forever be haunted by the "what if's" and the "I should have's." Everyone says do not blame yourself, but how can I not, I am his mother and I could not protect him or save him. He tried to tell me something was wrong, but I did not know he was trying to! What kind of mommy am I, that can't even tell when her child is desperately trying to tell her that he is dying??

We love you sweet angel baby. We miss you so so very much. I'm sending you many sweet angel kisses. We will never forget you.
Love Mommy