18 months...

Can you believe 18 months is here? Sometimes I just dont know what to say or even what to think. I think of you constantly and wonder what you are doing right now at this very moment in heaven. Of course I will never know until I am there with you. Thank you for coming to visit us the other day, it was very much needed for both me and daddy. Tell God thank you! We came to visit you today. It was nice to go to you and just sit in peace, your little plant that Mary brought you is growing like crazy! My goodness how time is going by so quickly yet so slowly. I know I say that all the time but its so very true. Its just so strange how we want time to pass quickly yet we also want it to slow down sometimes. Like for us, we want to hurry up and see you again but at the same time, we want to slow down because Jacen is just growing so fast. I love you so much son. I can not wait to hold you again. You never cease to amaze me with what you are still showing me and teaching me. We will be coming out in a few weeks to put up your Christmas tree. I wonder what Christmas is like in Heaven? I bet it is amazing! I am sorry this note to you is just rambling, I am just at a loss for words tonight. I miss you so much I cant hardly stand it. Love, Mommy

Angel Face...

I don't think I have ever tried to sit and name every sign that I have seen from my son. There are just so many. But a recent one that both Jay and I saw was this past Friday, we were driving down the road (in separate cars, he was right behind me) and I was talking to him on the phone and I looked up at the sky and said, "oh my goodness do you see what I see?" I said "that cloud right there is Jay's face!" It was if I was looking right at him and he was standing right in front of me. Jay said "yes I see it too!" I didn't have to tell him what cloud I was talking about. It was amazing and just as soon as we both saw him he was gone. I got goosebumps! How great is God when he can allow you to see the beautiful child that is gone from this world? You can not imagine what it feels like to be allowed to see what is beyond this world. Things that you never thought could change you have a whole new meaning. Things that you thought were lifeless and just a source of weather are now treasures in your heart. A flower is now not just a flower but a sign that there is a greater purpose and there is more to that flower than you can see. It is full of life, a life that you can not see or would never know is there. But I do.