Christmas Poem..

I'M SPENDING CHRISTMAS WITH JESUS THIS YEAR

I see the all the beautiful Christmas Trees
Around the world below,
With the all the lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow..
The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear,
For I am spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year..

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here..
For I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description
To hear as the angels sing..
I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart,
But I am spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year..

I can not tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place,
Can you just imagine Christmas?
With our Savior, face to face?
I will ask HIM to light your spirit
As I tell HIM of your love,
So then pray one for another
As you lift your eyes above..
So please let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirit sing,
For I am spending Christmas in heaven
And I am walking with the King!!!

Lyrics for "Held" by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live? It’s unfair.

Chorus: This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it,
let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lillys of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus) This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Bridge: If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus) This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

Lyrics for "I will Love You"

Till my body is dust
Till my soul is no more
I will love you Love you
Till the sun starts to cry
And the moon turns to rust
I will love you Love you
But I need to know
Will you stay for all time
Forever and a day?
And I'll give my heart
Till the end of our time
Forever and a day
And I need to know
Will you stay for all time
Forever and a day?
And I'll give my heart
Till the end of our time
Forever and a day
Till the stars fill my eyes
And we touch the last time
I will love you
Love you
I will love you
Love you
I will love you
Love you

Merry Christmas...

Merry Christmas my sweet angel. We miss you so very much. I can only imagine what Christmas must be like in Heaven. We brought your wreath out to you and all the angel babies at the cemetery today and it looks great. Your tree still looks great. I hope you are having a wonderful time up there in Heaven where you get to be with Jesus and hear the beautiful Christmas story straight from Him. We love and miss you so very much baby. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of you and how lucky we are to have been able to keep you for the beautiful 8 months we were given. They were the best 8 months of my life and I will never forget your every move, or punch or kick or your sweet beautiful face when you were brought to me that night. I love you son and I will see you again soon. Have a wonderful Christmas up there with Jesus and tell mommy's grandma and grandpa that she loves and misses them. Love you son.

Love
Mommy

Here....

Dear Lord,
I need you so bad right now. I am scared, I'm lost, and feel so very alone. Thank you for my wonderful husband, I wouldn't make it with out him by my side. Thank you for the opportunity to once again try to have a child, thank you for bringing my sweet son who is now an angel into my life. He has changed me in so many ways, his life in showing me pure happiness and true love and his death for learning and finding myself and finding a never ending love for him and his father, and as crazy as it might sound finding my faith and love for You. You know as well as anyone there was a point when I was angry and couldnt find my footing but you lifted me right back up. But I'm still struggling with this deep pain and emptiness that will never subside. I am having such a hard time understanding what goes on in my life and I know that you dont give reasons for what happens in our lives and we are to trust in you and know that what your plan is, is the right and best thing. But help me just to understand and give me patience with people. I dont care very much about anything anymore. Its hard just to find the will to get out of bed in the morning because its like what is the need to continue on? Why must I try? Jacen will never know his brother and that really saddens me. Will you allow him to stay close to us? Will you stay close to us? We need your strength and to feel your love. I NEED YOU! I need your guidance. Please Lord I am begging you, the only thing I want in life is for Jacen to make it to me safe and healthy and alive, if this is the only child I can ever have again that is ok with me just please please bring him to me and Jay. Please give my precious son a kiss for me and let him know that his mommy and daddy love him so much.

In your precious name, Amen.

7 months...

Hello sweet angel of mine. I miss you so much. I feel alone in this huge world the only one I have is your daddy, who understands every part of me and what I feel and understands what I am going through right now. I just dont know anymore. I love you my sweet son with everything I have in me. I can not even imagine what life would be like if we had not even been given the chance to have you and know you or love you. We know what life is like without you and can only dream of what life will be like when we get to be with you again. You know I think of you and will never forget you even though many people tend to think that we have gotten over you or have forgotten you, you know that is not true, you are with me and daddy constantly. We can feel you here, watching over daddy and me, and that is the greatest gift God can give us right now, is the ability to feel your presence and love with us. *Thank you Lord for that blessing* Sweet son there is so much I want to say, so much I am feeling with you being gone from me and daddy and your little brother coming soon there is just so much to say. But words are failing me right now. I have not posted your pictures yet but I will get them up here as soon as I can. I love you my dear son and will see you soon.

Love mommy and daddy

Christmas Tree...

Hello sweet boy, we put up your tree today and it looks beautiful!! I am amazed at how great it turned out. Even Shelby got to pick out an orimant that she wanted to have on there for you. I hope you enjoy it son. We love yo always and miss you so much.

Love always,

Mommy and Daddy

6 month balloons...

Here they are baby boy, sorry it took
me so long to get them put up here.
I love you my sweet baby and we miss
you so much. We are going to be out
this weekend putting up your Christmas
tree. We had thanksgiving this past thursday
and it was a rough day but we made it.
It seems like just when we feel that we
are falling into a "new normal" something
makes us fall right back down, but it always
seems that you lift us right back up. Since you
went to be with Jesus we see things we could
not see before. You go with us where ever we go.
It makes me smile to know that you are with us.
I love you my dear son. Please continue looking out
for you brother, not that I have to ask I know you will.
We think about you always.

Love
Mommy