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Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Dear Lord,
I need you so bad right now. I am scared, I'm lost, and feel so very alone. Thank you for my wonderful husband, I wouldn't make it with out him by my side. Thank you for the opportunity to once again try to have a child, thank you for bringing my sweet son who is now an angel into my life. He has changed me in so many ways, his life in showing me pure happiness and true love and his death for learning and finding myself and finding a never ending love for him and his father, and as crazy as it might sound finding my faith and love for You. You know as well as anyone there was a point when I was angry and couldnt find my footing but you lifted me right back up. But I'm still struggling with this deep pain and emptiness that will never subside. I am having such a hard time understanding what goes on in my life and I know that you dont give reasons for what happens in our lives and we are to trust in you and know that what your plan is, is the right and best thing. But help me just to understand and give me patience with people. I dont care very much about anything anymore. Its hard just to find the will to get out of bed in the morning because its like what is the need to continue on? Why must I try? Jacen will never know his brother and that really saddens me. Will you allow him to stay close to us? Will you stay close to us? We need your strength and to feel your love. I NEED YOU! I need your guidance. Please Lord I am begging you, the only thing I want in life is for Jacen to make it to me safe and healthy and alive, if this is the only child I can ever have again that is ok with me just please please bring him to me and Jay. Please give my precious son a kiss for me and let him know that his mommy and daddy love him so much.

In your precious name, Amen.

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