Swimming with Jacen...

Do you see baby Jay in this picture? We decided to see how Jacen liked the swimming pool (heated by the way) and the first like 10 pictures are like this...nothing was done different with the camera or changed. We believe it was big brother Jay coming to play with his littl brother. I always knew he was watching over us always, but to be able to see him in this way just amazes me and makes me feel so good that he is here.

I love you sweetheart no matter where you are. Thank you for watching over us. We love you always.

Love

Mommy

13 months....

Hello sweet angel. I miss you! It's been 13 months since you came into our lives, and wow what an impression you have left on us. Our lives are so different now. I could never imagine life without ever having loved you or met you. I love you so much and am thankful everyday for having you in my life. Everytime I hear of another mommy having a baby, I always think of you and how I felt when we were headed to the hospital to have you....the excitement and love and fear. Then I always pray that they make it to their mommys safely. No mommy should ever have to go through life without their babies, but unfortunately sometimes we are forced to because they have a higher purpose. Just like you do. Its been so long since I held you and it hurts, literally. Its hard to explain but my arms ache to hold you, my heart aches for you. I love you, son with every fiber of my being. I can not wait for the day that I am given the chance again to be with you. Until then, wait for me handsome. I'll be there before you know it. Love you baby boy.

Love,
Mommy

New pictures of your garden....

Hey sweet boy. I just wanted to show you the beautiful flowers in your garden. They are in bloom right now and look so beautiful. I love you sweet angel and miss you terribly.

Love
Mommy

Thinking of you...

Hello big boy! I have been thinking of you. My heart is hurting for you. I cant believe a year has gone by since I held you and kissed your sweet face. I miss you so much. You are so amazing. Every time I look at Jacen I am reminded of you and think about what you might have looked like at his age. I think about all the new things he does everyday and am happy to see him go through them yet saddened because I never got to see you do any of them. He looks so much like you its amazing. I think of you all the time and always have to remind myself that in time I will hold you again. I can not wait for that day to come when I can see you, hold you and kiss you. You, daddy and Jacen are what keep me going. You guiding me from above, daddy and Jacen helping me here. Its hard to not have you here with us, not having you here to play with your little brother or to grow up with him. He will know you, I promise. He already knows you, really. You were with him the day he was born and he sees you everyday. We love and miss you dearly, son.

I love you, my sweet baby.
~Mommy