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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

14 months....

Hello baby. I am not going to say the normal, "i cant believe its been this long" because you know that already. What I am going to say is that I love you so very much and miss you so very much. As if you dont know that already too but it feels much better to say that instead. I have to say since Jacen has been here I have felt much more at peace with your passing. Why? I cant really say for sure, but I think it is because you are constantly with me and I can feel you here. Sure some people have told me I am crazy and there is no such thing as angels but you know what when they have been through something of this magnitude then they can talk to me about what they believe then. Of course we all have our doubts, even I did at one time, but I dont anymore. I have seen you just as well as I see Jacen and daddy everyday. You were standing next to me in the operating room when Jacen had to be delivered by emergency c-section. I looked over and there you were standing off to my right. You didnt look young but you didnt look old either. I knew at that moment Jacen would be fine and the rest of my life was going to be alright. Even though you arent here in the flesh you are with me always in spirit. Jacen sees you always (he loves when you visit) Just the other night I was sitting in his rocking chair putting him to bed and he is just staring at this one corner of the room and just smiling and laughing so hard. Then I guess you moved to another place in the room cause he followed you. It was the sweetest thing. And the best feeling in the world for me to have both of my precious babies right there with me. I love you with all my heart baby and miss you constantly. Thank you for coming into my life, thank you for being with me and showing me what life is really all about. Thank you for constantly amazing me and showing me that life is still good and will be ok because you are with me.

I learned the new little Angel's name that I was telling you about. She is a sweet little girl named Sydney. Show her that she can be there for her mommy even though she is in heaven like you are. Her mommy needs her very much right now.

I love you sweetheart. See you soon,

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