Jay's Angel Wings...

I opened up my email tonight and found these waiting for me. I just love them. My angel baby forever.

Thank you Lea!

Beautiful Flower.....

Good morning my beautiful baby. I was looking through some of my pictures and saw this one and it reminded me of you. I just wanted to tell you how much I love and miss you.

Love,
Mommy

Bring on the Rain....or not..

So it's 9:30pm and it's raining out, about how I am feeling right now. To be honest I haven't cried in a while. I ache every moment of every day, but I haven't cried in awhile. Why is that? I visit him often, I make stuff for him all the time, I try to think of ways to memorialize other angel babies. But lately I can not cry? I still miss him like crazy and feel like screaming sometimes. Maybe its one of the "better" moments, the storm is likely coming.

20 months....

Good morning my love. Today marks the day that you have been gone for 20 months. I feel you with me today, because so far its been a quiet day, but again its only 7:30am so there is still plenty of day left for the sadness to creep in. I still just as I always will have the ache in my heart for you but I know you are safe from the evil and sadness of this world. You are a special angel and even though I do not know why you could not stay with me I am thankful to have you in my life even if you arent here in the flesh with me. I love you my precious, beautiful son with all my heart and that will never change. When you were here you brought so much love and peace. You are my hope, my sunshine, my northern star, my everything. Without you and your little brother, I would be nothing but an empty person waiting for my day to die. I hope today is a "good" day but I know with you here its always a good day. I can feel your warmth and your love, something I can not explain to anyone but it feels good to be able to feel it. Thank you my sweet baby. Jacen and I will be coming out to visit you today and bring you fresh flowers. I love you my darling.

Love always,
Mommy

Place for an Angel....

So I found this picture today and it just reminded me of what I imagine Heaven to be like. It also reminds me of Jay and the day he visited us in the form of a butterfly. So calm and peaceful.

New Year.....

Ok so I have been terrible at blogging lately. But I hope to be better at it now. I am working (still) on getting the Heaven's Seashells going, having a hard time finding the time to work on it. But I hope to have it going soon, I will try to get a link to that blog added to here. Hopefully when it starts warming up I will be able to actually go to the beach and find some shells and take pictures of them there, well that is the plan anyways.

Hi son I hope you are having a wonderful time with all your family and friends there in Heaven. I love and miss you so very much. I will be coming out to visit you soon. I need to take down your Christmas tree and put up your new flowers. I cant believe we are already into 2010! This year I hope will be a better year for me emotionally, no the pain of losing you will never ever go away but I hope to find a way to be at peace with it. You are and will always be my star in the night sky, and I know anytime I need your guidance all I have to do is look for it. I love you sweet boy.

Love always,
Mommy