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Saturday, August 15, 2009

15 months....

Good evening baby. Today has been 15 months since you have been gone. I miss you everyday and think of you always. I got this idea from another mother the other day. Its the 15 hardest moments since you have been gone....

One~ Hearing the doctor say....."I am so sorry, but there is no heartbeat"
Two~ walking into my labor room.
Three~ Having to call all the family and tell them the horrible news.
giving birth to you.
Seeing your beautiful body being taken away after you were born.
holding you in my arms for the first time since you were born
Not getting to hold you long enough.
Having to give you back to the nurse and knowing that you would be waiting for the funeral home to pick you up.
The Helplessness that I felt the moment I found out you were gone.
Walking out of the hospital to go home without you with me.
The drive home.
Twelve~ Your funeral.
Thirteen~ My last doctor visit after you were born. He forgot and asked us how you were doing.
Fourteen~ Learning that we were pregnant again after losing you.
Fifteen~ Bringing Jacen home and you not being here waiting to play with him.

These are only 15 of the hardest moments...there are so many more. Everyday is a struggle, but I try to take each day one day at a time. I cant wait for the day when I can hold you again. I miss you so very much and love you with every fiber of my being. Thank you for coming to visit just when I always need to know that you are near. It is so comforting to know that you are always near. Give The Father a hug and kiss for us. I love you sweet boy.


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