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Monday, November 1, 2010

Busy Mom's Bible....

I found the Busy Mom's Bible at kmart last night and had to get it. Let me tell you I love it!!

I need something to help me through. After losing Jay I have lost what faith I had. Growing up we went to church every Sunday and Wednesday night. I was at the young age of 12 a Sunday school teacher. I loved what I believed and how God's grace always shined down on me. I felt His love and presence with me always. Then our church unexpectedly divided and our family and other families had to leave. Something did not feel right. I couldnt find my place after that. I continued to believe and feel Christ with me. But after awhile I seemed to have lost my path. I never got into anything bad, but it was like church and Jesus were just a mere thought of what was.

Then we lost Jay, everything I ever believed in was torn apart. Inside I was angry at God and constantly questioned Him, "Why". At first I would say my beliefs were "shaken" but after a couple of months I resented God. Even though growing up I learned and felt it in my heart that you do not question God. God is our creator and He knows my very soul. But still I was hurt, blinded and angry enough to question Him.

To this day I find days though not very often anymore, I question Him still. I question His existence in my heart and my life. Growing up I felt that I was immune to bad things because I was protected by God's love. However, you may love God and you have God's love in return that does not mean you are immune to life's tragedies. But because God loves us he uses those tragedies to show us that He is good and through Him you will find peace.

Today I was looking through the Thought Starters in my Busy Mom Bible and found this verse-

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." Revelation 21:4

I cried and rejoiced at the same moment. The only thing that gets me through the hard days is this: I know in my heart that when my time comes and I get to heaven my son will be waiting for me along with others that I love that have gone to be with our Maker. We will be together again in our true home, Heaven.

Today is a new day. I pray that I will get on the path again, right now I'm in the pasture headed for the path. With God's grace, love and patience I will be there before sunset on my last day here on this temporary home.

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