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Friday, August 15, 2008

3 months....

3 months ago today, we knew our lives were going to change but we never guess that they would be changed in this way. 3 months ago we were dreaming about our sweet little Jay coming home with us. 3 months ago we were rushing to the hospital because the time had come. 3 months ago we were waiting in the ER for the nurse to find Jay's heartbeat. 3 months ago we were told that our son died. 3 months ago our world came crashing down on us. 3 months ago we had to bury our newborn baby. Why does life have to be this way??? 3 months and 1 day ago we would have never guessed that our baby could die. Our world was so perfect the day before, what happened? God needed our son for reasons we will never understand. I will never understand, I will never forget that feeling of helplessness and hurt. That pain will be with me until the day I leave this earth, maybe then I will understand. A part of me died that day. With every moment for the rest of my life I will forever be haunted by the "what if's" and the "I should have's." Everyone says do not blame yourself, but how can I not, I am his mother and I could not protect him or save him. He tried to tell me something was wrong, but I did not know he was trying to! What kind of mommy am I, that can't even tell when her child is desperately trying to tell her that he is dying??

We love you sweet angel baby. We miss you so so very much. I'm sending you many sweet angel kisses. We will never forget you.
Love Mommy

2 comments:

cylnia said...

hey sister. i will be totally honest i dont know what to say. i know you are sick of ppl telling you to not blame yourself or 'just keep going' so i wont. i just want to let you know that i think about you everyday. i dont know how you do it. i can try to make myself think of how i would feel, and it just tears me up. i know you guys will have another baby. you have to. your meant to be wonderful parents. and i cant wait till that day. until then, just keep going. love you, cylina

Mrs. Mother said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. We just lost our little girl, Jenna Grace, to Trisomy 18 last week. There are no words to make it better, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

October 15th Video (Baby Jay is in this one)....

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