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Sunday, August 3, 2008

I just am.....

People ask me all the time how I am doing and how am I dealing. Well really the only way to put it is I just am. I am just here, I continue with life because I have to. I have a wonderful husband who has been more than I could have ever dreamed of. I could not imagine my life right now or ever without him. On Wednesday, it was not a good day at all. I all of a sudden got so scared and started to panic I literally thought I was loosing my mind and no one was telling me. I thought I was going to continue the rest of my life in a nut house. Jay came down and talked to me and of course made me laugh about it. He said "do you really think if you were nuts you would even think to think that you were nuts?" Of course once I thought about it, no I don't guess I would think that I was. Everyone always tells us how brave and strong we are, well to tell you the truth I think anyone that goes through something of this magnitude just some how begans to realize you have to continue on. We know our son wouldn't want us to just stop living. Even though it's so hard, we do what we have to do. Even if it's not for ourselves we do it for each other. Because together is the only way we are going to make it through this dark dark time in our lives. We miss our son so much and wish that we had more time with him but we were given that small amount of time because God knew that that precious baby would change our lives so drastically for the good. I know for me I see things in a different light now all the small things that used to matter to me before are now just petty and dumb to me. I realize life is so short and so beautiful and there are so many loved ones to enjoy, that you can not just stop living because no matter what you feel at first, you know that everything happens for a reason and God's purpose is going to happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Yes He has our son but I just keep telling myself everyday that he is still here with us and he watches over us and one sweet day we will meet again and finally be.......complete. So for now, here on earth we are just as we are.

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